


Deafening Silence

by amberbee112



Category: Thrilling Intent (Web Series)
Genre: Autistic Character, Canon Universe, Gen, inien is kiiinda ableist but not intentionally, nonverbal, technically two but gregors not the star of this story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-31
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2018-08-12 06:03:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7923373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amberbee112/pseuds/amberbee112
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ashe is autistic.<br/>Sometimes things are too much and you just shut down. Surprisingly few people understand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deafening Silence

Ashe was nursing a drink and not talking. 

This wasn’t exactly unusual, she did this pretty much every day. However, she got done yelling at Kyr for something, Thog stopped keeping track of what, and tucked herself in the corner with some ale a while ago and hadn't made a peep yet. Something was wrong.

Thog looked across the counter at her. He'd always hated the phrase “deafening silence,” which always seemed like such a paradox, definitely a hyperbole, but Ashe was being so dang quiet that’s all he could focus on. Just outside by the pool, Gregor was training, making noise, but Thogs brain filtered that out, so all he heard was nothing.

Ashe had picked up the bottle now, and was swishing the contents in it around the bottle. Her hand rotated the bottle, eyes fixated on the liquid inside. 

“Aesling, what are you doing,” Thog asked flatly. Honestly, he didn’t care what she was doing, he wanted to hear her talk.

But instead of talking, Ashe shrugged and set the bottle down. She squirmed, and Thog couldn't decide if it was because she couldn’t stand sitting still or because Thog sounded a bit like a scolding parent. Maybe it was both. 

“You can do that if you want,” Thog said. “I don’t care, as long as it’s not keer.”

Ashe forced a smile and eyed the bottle but didn’t do anything. Instead she fiddled with the pin on her belt.

“You okay?” Thog asked. This probably should’ve been the first question he asked, but he was an awkward piece of shit. “You’re quiet.”

He could see the sarcastic response on her face, a comment on how quiet they both tended to be. But she just opened her mouth, closed it, and nodded. 

“Yes you’re okay or yes you’re quiet?”

Ashe shrugged then nodded. 

“You’re maybe okay and yes you’re quiet?” Thog didn’t think Ashe was okay at all, she hadn’t spoken a word for what felt like hours but was probably only half an hour at most.

Ashe gave a quick nod, staring at the bar counter. 

Thog relaxed behind the bar onto a shitty stool someone made at some point. He watched Ashe run her fingers over the counter, over the bumps and dips.

“Should I just leave you here?” he asked. 

Ashe shook her head no.

“Why not? It feels like you’re in one of your...moods.” Thog hesitated before saying ‘moods.’ Saying the word ‘moods’ usually put Ashe in a worse mood. 

Ashe reached into her pack and pulled out her journal, flipped to a new page and pulled it out. With her pen, she slowly scrawled out one word. _Different_.

Thog raised an eyebrow. “So you don’t want to be alone?"

Ashe nodded. 

“Why?”

Ashe wrote another word. _Safe_. 

“Uh, thanks? I’m not sure what I’m keeping you safe from though.”

_Lots._

Thog nodded, as if he knew what Ashe was talking about. Or writing about?

The pair sat in content silence for a few minutes, relaxing. Ashe went back to swishing her bottle, this time without Thog questioning her. Thog meanwhile did busywork, like taking stock and cleaning the place up a bit. It was peaceful, though Thog still felt deafened by Ashes silence. The mages burst through the door, chatting loudly about the concept of familiars.

“Markus, I get that it would be cool, but they are a general hassle to maintain!”

“Did you have a familiar at one point? It sounds like you have first hand experience with it!”

Inien sighed exasperatedly as she sat down beside Ashe. “Yes, it was a rabbit, I would've liked a cat but it was all that they had.”

Markus, distracted for a moment, peered at Ashe for a moment, then asked Thog, “Is Ashe in one of her moods again?”

“She’s literally right beside you Markus, ask her yourself.” Thog retorted. 

Ashe just got out her pen and circled the word _different_ a couple times and slid it past Inien, who snatched the paper.

Markus read the word from over Inien’s shoulder then cocked an eyebrow at Ashe. “So, you're not feeling whatever it is you feel when you go off and have thinks, you're feeling something else?”

Ashe nodded and grabbed the paper away from Inien.

“Hey, I wasn’t done deciphering that!” she objected. 

Ashe ignored her and scratched away the words _safe_ and _lots_. In large letters, she wrote _BAD_ and held it up.

“Oh,” Markus trailed off. “it’s a bad feeling.”

“By the way Ashe, your handwriting is really getting neater. Only took me a full minute to read one word,” Inien snarked.

Ashe glared at the witch.

“Inien,” Markus frowned. “Ashe obviously isn’t feeling that good right now, she doesn’t need that attitude.”

Inien ignored Markus, speaking instead to Ashe. “In my experience nonverbal communication is less accurate than verbal communication. Talking gets your point across easier.”

Ashe pushed Inien off the barstool.

Inien landed on the rough floor with a shriek then a grumble of “Rude.”

“I don’t know about you Inien but Ashe is getting her point across to me just fine. She thinks what you’re saying is bullshit.” Thog commented, watching the display with all his usual enthusiasm

“Inien,” Markus said disapprovingly. “I hate to say this, but you deserved it.”

“Oh, shut up Markus you sound like my mother.” Inien stood up and brushed herself off. Turning to Ashe, she said, “Like Markus said Ashe, you’re I’m pretty sure that’s not a good thing. Will you say anything to us with that mouth of yours you love to use sometimes?”

Ashe looked defiantly at Inien and _screamed_. It didn’t quite register with Thog how quiet the entire bar was until it was echoing with that ear-piercing sound. He,along Markus, and Inien covered their ears with their hands as Ashe screamed at full volume until she ran out of breath. Gregor appeared in the doorway, looking confused and worried. 

“Ashe are you oka-” he started before being pushed away as Ashe stalked out of the bar.

“Let me answer that for Ashe: No.” Markus said. “And Inien, I was about to say that forcing Ashe to talk might not be a good idea, but I don’t think I really need to reiterate the point now.”

“What happened? How worried for Ashe should I be?” Gregor asked, stepping into the room.

Thog answered before Markus had the chance. “Ashe felt like shit and couldn’t talk, and was doing okay until these idiots came in. I think they were being a little loud, then Inien tried to make Ashe talk which resulted in that scream you heard.”

“What else was I supposed to do?” Inien grumbled, massaging her ears.

“Uh, let her be until she feels better? Hasn’t that ever happened to you before?” Gregor replied.

“No? Would she just suddenly be able to speak again once she felt better?” Inien raised a eyebrow at Gregor

“Well, with me it’s like I won’t be able to say anything, then a few words, then sentences and then later hold conversations and talk a lot,” Gregor explained.

“Wait-- so what happened, is happening, whatever, to Ashe happens to you too?” Inien asked, bewildered.

“Yeah! I mean, it hasn’t happened lately, but when I first joined the Outriders it happened a lot.” Gregor shrugged. 

“You people are weird.” Inien shook her head as she sat back down on the stool she was pushed out of. 

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

The next day while it was Gregor’s turn to bartend, Ashe came back and walked up to the table where Markus and Thog were sitting. 

“I’m sorry for screaming yesterday but I felt like I was gonna explode after being yelled at and insulted by Inien. It was too much.”

“It”s fine Ashe,” Thog replied as he sipped his coffee. 

“Yeah, I assume you’re feeling better?” Markus raised an eyebrow questioningly.

“Much better. Maybe not 100% yet, but getting there.” She nodded awkwardly. “And I’m not sorry about pushing Inien off the chair. She deserved it.”

“I guess I did,” Inien said, lying on her back reading a book on another table.

“By the way Ashe,” Gregor called from the bar. “Thog told me what happened, and that totally sucks. That’s definitely happened to me before. Maybe you could come hang out the next time it happens? No pressure to talk, of course.”

“Same to you Gregor,” Ashe replied, smile on her face. “Glad to know we’re in this together.”

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this a while ago and just cleaned it up recently!  
> autistic!ashe headcanon that she goes nonverbal a lot.  
> i might post more stuff like this. and by this i mean autistic headcanons. i have a lot.


End file.
